What is self-respect, and what can we do to respect ourselves more?

Experts have defined self-respect in various ways and contexts, but a common understanding of self-respect is as follows. Psychological researchers, in particular, may often define self-respect as honoring your needs and desires, understanding your worth, and making choices that enable you to keep your dignity (Dillon, 2013). Self-respect remains vital because it helps us to work through challenges, build resilience in life, and maintain our emotional health. Many researchers argue that self-respect is closely related to our understanding of self-esteem and self-love behaviors.

The opposite of self-respect is disrespect. However, what exactly does this look like? Here are some examples of how you might be disrespecting yourself:

●        You may participate in negative self-talk (e.g., I am not good enough, I can never do anything right, etc.)

●        You may let people invade your boundaries

●        You may have a hard time saying “no,” which results in you being taken advantage of

●        You may undervalue your talents, achievements, and character

●        You may not take time to practice self-care

●        You may overthink about what other people think of you rather than focusing on what you think about yourself

●        You may not honor your wants and needs ​

Lacking self-respect can have a variety of causes. Perhaps you grew up in an environment where you were unsupported or abused by your caregivers. Maybe you were bullied in school and received little care from teachers. You may have been through trauma in relationships or family life that made you feel small or unworthy. Alternatively, you were never taught the importance of self-respect in grade school when you learned about respect for others (Luchies et al., 2010). Regardless, I am glad you are here to learn to gain more self-respect.

How to Gain Self-Respect

Perhaps you have read this far and realized that you could be better off practicing self-respect more often. Nevertheless, for many of us, it is hard to change core beliefs and old habits, especially if we do not know where to begin. This upcoming list is not exhaustive, but we hope it gives you a place to start. Check out these examples of how to increase your self-respect.

1. Reflect on your values. It is helpful to list what you value in life, your needs, and what you want from life. Think about your values and how you live them daily (or perhaps, what you may need to improve).

2. Take a look at your relationships with others. An excellent way to know if you are respecting yourself is by understanding how others may also be treating you. How we respect and treat ourselves significantly indicates how other people learn to treat us, too. If you feel neglected, disrespected, or unsupported by some people around you, look at how you can change that relationship. The takeaway is that you get to decide what you will tolerate from others, and an excellent way to respect yourself is to not bend over backward for the folks in your life who cross your boundaries.

3. Practice self-care. First and foremost, you deserve it. However, when we consciously try to care for ourselves emotionally, physically, and spiritually, we remind ourselves that we are worthy of love, respect, and happiness. The more we appreciate who we are and give attention to our needs and wants, the more we prioritize self-respect.

4. Do not be so hard on yourself. No critic outside of ourselves is louder than the one that lives inside. We all mess up from time to time. It is important to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and apologize gracefully when we make mistakes.

5. Do more things you enjoy. ​​Do you have a favorite hobby but do not have time for it? Is there an activity you like, even if you are not good at? Are there things you like to do that no one else does? Do them anyway. Please find the time, remind yourself you do not need to do things well to enjoy them, and tell yourself it is okay to do things alone. Whether brushing up on your sewing skills, trying a new bit for your stand-up comedy, or hiking in the mountains, take the time out of your schedule and surround yourself with activities you enjoy. When we nurture our souls, we learn to be more self-respecting. ​

In Summary

It may take time to process and apply what you have learned here to your life—and that is okay. The important thing is to remember how worthy you are of respecting and honoring yourself.

References

• ​Dillon, R. S. (2013). Dignity, character, and self-respect. Routledge.

• Luchies, L. B., Finkel, E. J., McNulty, J. K., & Kumashiro, M. (2010). The doormat effect: When forgiving erodes self-respect and self-concept clarity. Journal of personality and social psychology, 98(5), 734-749.